Eye Catching Cover Letter? Or piece of crap?

So, I am busy looking for that ideal job – well, any job tbh; however, how do I stand out from the crowd with my cover letter?

How about this:

Dear Sir/Madam,


You have found the best person to fill your vacancy!

 I am an experienced writer, bringing a unique ‘stand out from the crowd’ approach to any project I work on; however, I do have one itsy, bitsy question to put to you – would you consider making this role mainly remote?

There are many mutual benefits to hiring remote staff, from increased employee productivity to lower overhead costs, and many companies now use telecommuting employees for a large part of their workforce.

As a forward thinking, 21st century company, you too could reap the rewards of remote hiring –

allow me to demonstrate these advantages.

Please find attached a copy of my CV for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully

I am considering adding a p.s  – also not scared of giant spiders (please see yesterday’s blog – this is a perfect example of why I use stock photos)