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 ‘Relief image’ – seriously Google?

No one but a fellow sufferer knows the sheer relief of submitting (yes, I know – I don’t do submission lol) that essay that’s been inside your every thought since you begged your tutor for the second extension. Yes, there are still a couple of assignments to go – including the big end of level nasty, before the summer break, but obviously I will be highly motivated, organised and ahead of the game for my next one. Honestly, that is my heartfelt intention; it really is, just like it was last time, and the time before that.

But, for today, the relief is palpable; the beasts had an extra long slog through the mud, the housework was done with Mary Poppins efficiency and cheerfulness, admittedly whilst industrial metal tinkled away in my ears, and my poor beleaguered laptop has been restarted, virus checked and CC cleaned.

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Ready to open that book? Just one more coffee? Don’t mind if I do ……….Image result for large coffee woman

Updates and Stuff

img_1523-3Treated myself to the most gorgeous little Tudric/Liberty & Co pewter bowl yesterday – I adore the feel of the soft, luxurious hammered metal, the simplicity of the lines, touching on the art nouveau movement with the curve of the handles, and the organically curved split where they join. A bargain at a mere tenner (after a bit of haggling anyway lol).

Dear Doctor,
This morning I found myself crawling around on the floor with the beasts; we were all singing together, pawing each other (people – please!) and generally having a joyous time. Is there something wrong with me? Take a double measure of gin up to 10 times a day, you say? Okey dokey, Doc, I’ll start right away!

Study……study……. I’ll just groom the dogs……….coffee………game of tug with img_1522-2Hamish…….study………..Pagan wants a tummy rub……………why, Hamish, of course I’ll play football with you…….coffee………… song…… want a back scratch, Hamish, while I rub Pagans tummy with foot? Of course…………….coffee…….just pop dogs out for a wee……..time for dog games…….stu…..seriously, why do I bother with the study? 😉

Pagan ‘fell’ in the pond this morning – and then apparently couldn’t find the bank to climb out! Happily swimming round like a strange platypus, head underwater, and her tail, rudder-like, flopping around. Silly moo!


 Well, with all the pollarding, the fields are a quagmire of muddy soup now that the freeze has vanished. Bring back the crunchy frost, please! However, despite all the odds stacked against me, I stayed vertical – always a bonus, I feel. The beasts were filthy due to joyous sharking across the cricket pitch, Slutbitch collecting every worm cast on her face whilst I dragged an apparently dead dog across the field. Eventually, by a weird mix of writhing and rolling, she caught up with me – I do wonder what people think if they look out of their windows and see two muddy mallies who have lost the use of their legs, miraculously jump up to flatten the weeble, who then starts screaming and batting at them to get off, which just makes them worse – seriously, dogs, every fucking morning – why? So, of course, a rough toweling down (although by this stage I was muddier than them) is an excuse for pre breakfast zoomies, followed by a session of sulking because I wouldn’t feed them until their breathing had settled down – silly pups! Now, full and contented, they are snoring happily, and I am considering Decartes Theory of Knowledge – cos that’s just how we roll here

Image result for muddy fields The fields are in a state of disarray at the moment – big yellow diggers and machinery everywhere; it’s pollarding time! Frozen ruts, and clods of mud lie in wait for a toe stubbing or a stumble, or both in my case, one straight after the other! There is a sense of fear among the rabbits as their warrens get blocked by branches and scrub. So, we’ve been heading to the woods, where owls fly like pale spirits through the trunks, and the scent of deer lies strong on the ground. Approaching through the shadowy darkness (yes, even darkness has darker patches lol), a light – the Silent Jogger and his hound. We stop for a quick chat, his dog joining in. He admires the demons, and I launch into my usual spiel – insane, chaotic, not good pets, high prey drive etc, with SJ politely laughing along with my descriptions. His laughter changes tone, and in response, I look down at the beasts – these ferocious, untamed, feral demons. Ummm……yup, they are rolling in the mulch and mud, licking it off each other in sheer delight, and murmuring to each other happily. Gee thanks, bastard traitors – now, I’m a liar lol!

The barking  foxes scared the bejesus out of me last night – so close to the house, and so human like that they stopped me in my tracks. I paused, held my breath, and waited. Every call sounded like an attack, like someone in real trouble; then, a beautiful vixen appeared – sleek and sultry, out looking for her dog, and I relaxed, happy and content in the knowledge that nature surrounds me with its glorious heart-stopping beauty.

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After the fox/human scariness, when I put the demons out for last wees, I put their headcollars on – just in case. They ran hither and thither (*note to self – must use this phrase as often as possible – needs to be revived in the English language), noses to the ground, far too excited to settle down and get on with their bedtime routine. In the hedgerow at the bottom of the garden, I was slightly alarmed to see two pairs of green glowing eyes, one at human height!! But the bastard animal was halfway up a tree just to freak me out even more. And as the dogs got closer, it jumped down and made off through the woods with its mate, two adrenaline fueled malamutes and a weeble. Fortunately, the demons stopped before pushing through the brambles and ditches into the woods and beyond! What stopped them? It certainly wasn’t me hissing angrily, the tempting treat of biscuits from my pockets, or the sudden desire to behave – no, it was fucking badger crap for supper! Jeez, is it just me?


Busy busy day here – contract writery stuff and essay juggling! Fortunately the beasts had aImage result for the cheshire cat tiring walk, with sniffs galore, bunny holes to pee in and things to drag me to. In the distance we saw the lights of the Silent Jogger – cue bouncing on the spot before taking off at a gallop with me in tow. Fortunately, the cat in the tree stopped them; its Cheshire Cat grin smiling down at us, satisfied by its safety, and the chaos it was causing below, with green eyes blinking slowly in the torch light. Eventually we got home in one, rather weak and floppy, piece. They are snoring, I have coffee – all is calm (for now)

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The Pit and the Pendulum

I’m tired, really tired – could drop everything now, let it all go, and rest. But no, I must fight this – this heaviness cannot beat me.

I have an essay to write, then contracts to seek, but the essay must come first. I feel as though a very slow pendulum is swinging to and fro above my head, sending messages one by one down my spine, messages that could easily overwhelm if the swinging sped up. Steady, one step at a time – drink coffee, play with the beasts, another coffee and open the files, think carefully, plan slowly and just type. Fingers on the keyboard, eyes following the words, slow and steady. Just keep going. I can do this. Hand over hand, grasping for roots, placing my feet carefully on the vertical pit walls. I have a life, dammit. I just need to find it again. Disorientation, dizzying fog, confusion and apathy cannot beat me back – just breath, and grasp those roots. the_grinning_and_the_staring_by_culpeo_foxthe grinning and the staring by culpeo fox