The Beech Nut

My depression has been at an all time high/low/deep well in the ground (where’s Timmy Related imagewhen you need him?) People who know me, know I’m having major family issues at the mo; well, actually, my family are having major family issues, and as part of that family, I’m having them as well (FOMO at its most ridiculous). I’m struggling to study, struggling to work, struggling to stay awake – typical me, has to be different and have depression that, instead of keeping me awake, sends me to sleep. My thoughts are jumbled, one minute calm and light blue, the next deep, violent turmoil hits me right in my solar plexus, with an almost vomit inducing punch of panic. I am trying to hold it together, I really am, but it’s hard, dark and lonely. I’ll get there, I’m sure, just one foot in front of the other, one step, two steps, another step, more. One print in the black earth, followed by another, deeper and more sure; the next placed carefully to avoid snapping the branch and causing the calmness to take flight, the next tread half burying a beech nut, a seed of something better, allowing its roots to feed in the darkness, before its vivid greenness starts to stretch, reach for the light blue of thinner thoughts, and floatier dreams.    


Author: malamute musings

I'm owned by a working team of Alaskan Malamute sled dogs, am a pagany philosophy student, and pretend to be a professional writer - all these add up to .......well, me. And that's what I blog about - random musings, thoughts and being dragged around.

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