After living with my partner for 23 years, he decided he wanted ‘something different’ three years ago this Christmas. I was broken – it devastated me! You see, for the majority of that relationship, he emotionally controlled me. He ‘gaslighted‘ me, and I completely lost myself; I didn’t know who I was anymore, I was numb, emotionally broken and didn’t even realise.
Whilst there was no one else involved in our break up, he soon found someone he was more than happy with. Our financial situation meant that we had to keep living under the same roof for several long and horrible months. He would go and see his girlfriend, and I stupidly, would give him the money to do so, because he would make life impossible if I didn’t (see, it was all my fault, and I shouldn’t hold him back). He would come back after a weekend with her, and carry on normally. He would talk to her on the phone, whilst lying next to me in bed and it was me being unreasonable by wanting him to move into the spare room!
Three years down the line, and I’m getting there; I don’t think of him much nowadays. When I do,though, it’s still with a sense of shock over what happened, but it’s easier to move on now, fuss the dogs, play some music, whatever. It’s taken time, and huge amounts of support from my fantastic friends (xxx).
Finding a career I love, and am good at, has helped, finding a place to call my own has helped, and of course, the dogs, my gorgeous, wonderful companions through life, have helped.
I can do this thing; yes, things still floor me and send me into stomach churning fits of panic and anxiety, but I can do this thing called living – usually lol