I hate myself for smoking – I hate the control, the guilt, the money spent (when I’m broke anyway), the smell, the flakes of spilled ash, the dependence, the planning – mustn’t run out, when do I need to get more? The fact I bought myself an expensive vape kit last time I planned to give up, promising myself that it was money well spent.
But I do love smoking – I love that first drag, the thinking ‘oh, I’ll just finish this and then have a cig’, the sitting down with a fresh, strong coffee, a good book, and a new packet of 20.
This is the eternal quandary or the smoker – think of the money/health/time saved vs the modern day greed that we all suffer from in some shape or form. The fact that, within reason, we can have whatever we want, whenever we want it. Most addictions can be fed – be it nicotine, shopping, cake, or even alcohol and hard drugs can be accessed relatively easily.
Or am I just blaming my addiction on the easiness of society’s accessibility? Probably!